Reaching Out
by Lena xo
Summary: Jacob hurt Renesmee, a long time ago. Nessie left and Jacob has never been able to let go. Now fate has crossed their paths and they meet again, but will she be able to forgive him? Rated T for language. Oneshot


"Nessie…"

Her head snapped up.

"I don't go by that name any more. My name is Renèsmee."

"Well. Renèsmee, then."

I watched her over the flickering red light of the fire. I hated that look in her eyes, the plain accusing and the hurt – I'd hoped she would move on and be happy, but then again what I hoped for barely ever happened.

"Why are you here, Jacob?" she managed to say through tightly gritted teeth. Her posture was in a crouch, almost like she was ready to spring up, either to attack me or run away.

"I didn't come here intentionally," I said. Not exactly a lie, since I hadn't wanted to be here exactly.

I blinked, trying to keep anything that felt remotely like tears from escaping through my eyes. Dammit, I'd hurt her, I'd hurt her so bad. I wanted to sit next to her, feel her in my arms, and tell her I was sorry and that I would never do it again. I'd plead, beg, threaten her - anything so that she'd know the truth.

But it wouldn't work. She'd push me away, maybe even hurt me physically, but I'd get the message. She wouldn't trust me.

She had every right not to.

I added an extra log to the fire. Not that either of us needed a fire, but it gave me something to do, something to watch and listen to, besides her eyes or the horrible silence surrounding them.

I thought back. And damn, she had to be right. Of course she was right. It wasn't bad enough that she'd had to leave me, bringing my life with her. But anything else that had even remotely mattered without her had left soon afterwards. I had been left with nothing.

"So…" I sad slowly, aching to break the awkward quiet. "How's your family? Blondie still as tenacious as ever?" I almost smiled at the thought of Nessie's prim aunt and our usual insult duels that would keep us both entertained. Back then Nessie had insisted that deep down we really did love each other. And you know, maybe she was right.

Deeeeeeeep, deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep down inside.

The Ness here, however, hadn't reacted at all to my comment, or my attempt to break the ice with a sort of joke.

"I wouldn't know," she finally answered. "I haven't heard from Edward or Bella in about three years."

I froze. Strangely the first thing that registered in my mind was that she was referring to them by their first names. Then I realised.

"Three years?" I repeated hoarsely.

"I've been going solo for awhile now. Sometimes I run into them, but not often. I don't usually go near Forks, or Denali, or any of their usual residences. It's easier that way."

It was quiet again as we both thought.

"Ness," I whispered. "Oh Nessie, what happened?"

I saw it in that one moment – a flicker of vulnerability on her face as her mask, or whatever it was, slipped. She looked like she was going to cry, so fragile, so damn breakable. Then she seemed to remember that I had hurt her.

"Nothing happened. I wanted some more… freedom. It was more feasible for us to part ways. After all, parents must face their children leaving home eventually, even immortal parents," she added bitterly. I didn't press the issue any further, even though curiosity was eating me up from the inside.

I'm not sure how many minutes past while we both sat there, watching the flames. It wasn't so much an awkward silence now – we were just both thinking.

"What about you?" she finally spoke. I realised only then how much I missed her soft voice. "How's the pack? And things on the Res? Although…" she paused.

"Yeah?" I said softly.

"You're not with them any more, are you."

"No."

"You're too far from them. I should've realised sooner. How long ago did you leave?"

I realised that I had been absent-mindedly tracing unrecognisable shapes into the dust in front of me.

"I haven't phased in six years."

"Oh."

Neither of us had to say it out loud. It had been six years since it had happened. Since my fucking mistake that threw everything and anything I ever cared about out the door.

Despite the fire and my ridiculous body heat, I shivered, suddenly feeling the chilling night air like I'd never really felt anything before.

I watched her. I couldn't help it. The copper ringlets had grown out more, into long, wavy hair. Her chocolate eyes were wild – always jumping from one spot to another – my face, the fire, her hands. Although maybe that was an affect of me being here more than anything else.

Her face was still perfectly cut, but had the final touches of womanhood in place – all traces of her childhood, as I had last seen her, were gone. Her hands seemed so small, especially when I compared them to mine. And her long legs were folded out in front of her---

I stopped. I didn't want hormones to get in the way. Not now, when this was possibly my last chance to ever talk to her again.

"Ne-- Renèsmee. I know things have changed since then," my voice was too loud. I dropped its volume, feeling like at the same time that it was like I was in a library rather than a desert.

"I know I haven't spoken to you in... a long time. And I know I hurt you. I've regretted everyday of that, you have no idea how torn up I was inside."

I stopped. I sounded like a poet, quoting someone. I couldn't do that. I had to tell her what she'd always deserved. The truth, and nothing less. Whether she believed me or not was a different story.

"I loved you. That's why I did everything I ever did and said anything I ever said. That's why I screwed up so bad. Because I loved you. And I have since you were born."

I heard the audible sound of her teeth snapping together.

"Why should I believe you? It shouldn't matter, if you loved me or not. You still lied. Every single word that came out of your mouth then, Jacob Black, was a lie. And some things never _do _change."

The words stung, even though they were true.

"Every piece of advice I ever offered you was based on what I knew at that time and what I thought would make you happy." I said softly. But the volume of her voice had begun to rise.

"Of COURSE it did. But I couldn't BELIEVE it at the time. Jake would never betray me, I thought. Because I trusted you with EVERYTHING I HAD AND EVERYTHING I KNEW AND OBVIOUSLY TO YOU IT MEANT NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed at me. She was crying. Fuck, no. I didn't want her to cry. I didn't want her to break down.

"It meant everything to me---"

"I'M SURE. IT FUCKING. DID!" She hollered back. She was up on her feet now, tears streaming down her face and carving paths down the desert dust covering her cheeks.

I closed my eyes. This was too much like a replay of what happened the last time we spoke. When she said those cursed words that had shattered everything I had.

"Stay away from me, Jacob Black."

I hadn't fought enough then. I had to fight now, with everything I had. I couldn't take it now, if she left. I stood up, fists bunched, feeling the wolf that I had shoved into the corner of my head for so long, begin to wake up again.

"IT DID!" I hollered back. "IT MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME! EVERYTHING YOU SAID, OR DID, IT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME! YOU MEANT THE WORLD TO ME! FOR FUCK'S SAKE NESS, YOU STILL DO!" I stopped, heaving heavy gasps of air as I hadn't breathed at all during that sentence.

"You reckon you're sick of lies, well then here's the fucking truth! Everything I did or said was because of you. The only reason I survived after you left was because a small part of me registered that you were still out there , alive! AND FOR FUCK'S SAKE!" I yelled again. "YOU STAYED WITH LEAH. LEAH! OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU COULD'VE CHOSEN, YOU CHOSE HER!" I was shaking now. No. I couldn't phase. Not now.

"Of course, her. She was the only one who even remotely understood what was happening to me, or what I was going through," Renèsmee said coldly. Gracefully she folded her legs beneath her and sat down.

"Yeah?" I whispered. "Well she was the one who hurt the most."

I was still trembling, but it wasn't anger. I was going to break down, and I didn't want Nessie to watch.

"Hurt? Jake. You hurt me. You hurt me so much. I loved you, and I trusted you, and you didn't care."

"I did care," I whispered. I couldn't stand this – I felt like I had imploded and was falling apart on the inside. Meanwhile she just watched me with those cold eyes. "And I loved you. You knew that."

"I thought I did," she corrected. "But it doesn't matter. Jacob Black, whatever we had back then is over now. Last time Leah was the only thing that kept us, however remotely, together. Now, Leah isn't here," she said sadly, then reaffirmed herself, "and the loose ends have been tied."

"Not for me," I snapped.

"Well, they have for me. Goodbye."

I watched, in some form of shock, as she stood up, turned around, and walked off slowly into the night. I almost wished she had run off – every step she took seemed to prolong my agony as she walked away from me.

"I love you Nessie," I finally said as the darkness swallowed her. She turned, and all I saw in the dim firelight was her beautiful face, so sad. She sighed.

"Again, it's Renesmee. And I loved you too, Jacob, once upon a time. But whatever happened then is over now." And with that she turned and this time did run, at full vampire speed, into the night.

I stood there for a few moments, then realised my pulse was racing – I was sweating heavily, and how weak I felt. I dropped to my knees, suddenly drained of any energy I had. There was no point any more. She hated me, but she was safe. Happy and healthy. That was all I had needed to know.

But there was nothing left for me. Nothing in this world, anyway.

I thought for many hours, staring blankly into the flames, in an almost trance-like state, rethinking everything I had said, everything she had said. I had given it my all this time, and said everything I could've hoped to say. But she hadn't believed me, or hadn't wanted to, despite my best attempts.

I began shaking, trembling as I re-ran over the words in my head, playing back every emotion that had shown on her face, ever word that had come from her mouth. The trembling grew until my whole body was shaking from the anger, the rage that I hadn't released back while she was here, because I had been hanging onto a thin string of hope that she would stay with me.

But now that thread was cut – and there was nothing to hold me back.

I transformed, the once smooth feeling now horrific as I felt my bones slowly grated along each other as they lengthened and rearranged themselves. It wasn't pain, but a weird sensation that felt like I was – ha – rusty at this.

And then I felt it – I could see each star like a perfect pinprick of light. My wolf ears picked up everything from the wind blowing through the few dead plants to the scrabbling of little mice on desert sand.

But there was something missing. I couldn't hear anything. No voices. I let out a loud howl as I remembered the absence of Leah. The last time I transformed she had still been alive, her heavily sarcastic, bitchy voice still talking in my head.

Things do change.

But there was something else – I couldn't realise what it was. Then I remembered.

"_Sam__?_" I called in my head. "_Sam Uley_!" I called for the other alpha in my head.

There was no reply.

"_SAM!"_

That's when I realised. They were all gone.

The night suddenly seemed so cold and too lonely.

I gave in.

I let out a final long howl, for everything I'd done wrong and all the friends and family I had lost.

And her. I had lost her, again.

I felt my legs collapse underneath me and I lay my wolf-head forward onto the sand, and closed my eyes.

Suddenly I felt all the pain leave me, and the gentle the gentle pressure from two small tender hands on the warm skin of my human back.

"Jacob, I love you. Don't leave me," whispered the soft voice of a little girl called Nessie.

My eyes snapped open and I felt the midday's sunlight burning my eyes.

I stretched out my cramped body on the bed of one of the many spare rooms in the Cullen house, and rolled over onto my back.

"I won't," I whispered back as I turned around and held the small child in my arms and kissed her head of copper curls.

"I won't ever leave you, Ness."


End file.
